doyourules w/Cliché Jeff

The Compassionate Rebel: Challenging Temptation for Growth

• Jeff • Season 2 • Episode 8

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Easter Sunday held a revelation for me, one deeply entwined with the fabric of our daily lives, and it's a tale I'm eager to share with you. On this episode, we delve into the profound influence of our self-perception on our interactions with the world, and how embracing each season of life with compassion can be transformative. As we discuss the cyclical nature of existence, I bring to light the importance of identifying whether we're in a phase of growth, change, or reflection, and the way Nonviolent Communication and Marianne Williamson's profound insights can aid us on our path to self-improvement.

The hurdles of discipline and the siren call of temptation get a thorough examination too. We dissect why we shy away from structured routines, from the discomfort they pose to the seductive pull of instant gratification. We also confront the societal pressures that push us toward the easy way out, instead of the steady, often challenging road to meaningful transformation. Highlighting the central role of compassion, I make the case for how it can bolster personal growth and help us stand firm against distractions that veer us away from our long-term aspirations. This heart-to-heart is not just a conversation but an invitation to join me in a journey of continuous self-evolution, with the belief that our individual transformations can ripple out to enrich the entire tapestry of life.

Speaker 1:

Everything has its time, for to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to pluck what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to break down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. A time to gain and a time to lose. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to lose. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to sow. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. A time on today and inspired to come on today to talk about what that possibly means to me, and I've also been really, really deep in this book called Nonviolent Communication, which I'll end today's talk with just a phenomenal, phenomenal word from contemporary writer Marianne Williamson.

Speaker 1:

But before I get into that, I want to talk about all those possibilities and, if you're listening, this is something that is very common in this space. When you talk about self-improvement, when you talk about changing and manifesting, what season are you in? And seasons are important for a multitude of reasons, and there is a lot of science, a lot of faith, a lot of just general talk that makes sense from a mindfulness perspective that we could touch on. But what I really want to get into, what I really want to focus on today, is that, whatever season you are in, compassion, compassion. Compassion is the way in and out every time, and I think that is something that is severely overlooked in today's world, in today's very judgy, superficial, externally viewed world that we are are are really quick to offer up opinions. We are really quick to offer up opinions, we are really quick to offer up judgment, we are really quick to what could be described as chastening or criticize the world we see around us, which, I believe, very comfortably and conveniently leaves us out of the equation. But there's a reality to me that struck me yesterday during a conversation with my mother-in-law, who I love to pieces, and I think it resonates and makes a lot of sense when we talk about compassion and the season you are in and how to navigate and become whatever it is you seek to become, which should be the most dominant version of yourself and I said this the other day in a short G-Y-O-A-T the greatest you of all time. So let me take you into yesterday.

Speaker 1:

This happened just yesterday. My wife and I my mother-in-law were going to the local store picking up some groceries I think we were going for sandwiches, and it's a nice day outside. It happened to be Easter Sunday and I'm on the East Coast and it was somewhere in the mid 40s, I think, to 50 degrees or something like that. And for me, especially in my journey, you know I've come a long way physically. If you don't know, and I haven't shared before, you know, two to three years ago when I started this journey I'm over a thousand days now I was 230 pounds, really really big, heavy dude, out of shape, overweight, severe alcoholism, still living a decent life, don't get me wrong. But you know I had my epiphany, I went through my journey, point being, I feel really good about where I'm at with my physical presence and I think it's important. I think it's important as a man, as a father and as a husband to have a certain look physically and I also think it's important for my health flat out, because I want to live as long as I can. I'm trying to go to 120 and being healthy helps.

Speaker 1:

So, anyhow, we go to the store, and conveniently at least. Without even realizing it consciously, I took my sweater off and I was still in my workout gear, so I had a nice little muscle shirt on, you know, with a little dry fit shirt underneath, wrapped around the biceps, real tight, looking all good, feeling all good, and my wife just smirks at me and we go around the store. I make sure I grab the basket instead of pushing the cart, because you know, when you grab the basket and a whole bunch of stuff starts falling in the basket, it tents up the biceps, makes it look real good and it's a funny thing. You know we're walking around the store, we're doing our thing, we complete our shopping and it's ironic, there's this one dude and I'm not casting judgment, but this is how the mind works and what I want to share that he seems to look at me a little sideways. At least that is my perception, that's how I interpret it right, because it's still me, it's me feeling this way and I've been going to this store, I've been living in this neighborhood now for about six years and it seems like every time I go to the counter they have a big thing about good customer service and they pack bags for everybody.

Speaker 1:

And I always feel like, for some reason, when I get to the line he's packing bags. He moves and he stops packing bags like pack your own bags by yourself. And maybe there's some validity to that, maybe I'm just being immature, maybe he sees my biceps and he's like yo. There's an old lady next on the line over here. You don't need help packing bags, point being the dude again. For whatever reason we get to the line, he doesn't pack my bags. But that's not the point of the story.

Speaker 1:

I wanted to pack in the bags, to pack my bags anyway, and we leave the store, biceps are flexed and I'm holding the bag and as we're walking out towards the car, my wife looks at me and she says why do you seem to take your shirt off every time or your sweater off in this instance, because I wasn't shirtless Every time we go to the store? And what was funny, she actually said why don't you just take all your clothes off and walk in without a shirt, since you feel so good. So I start laughing, we get a kick out of it. And then she looks at me, my wife, and she says are you doing it to try to be intimidating? And I paused for a brief moment because I never gave that any thought and I don't think it's my intent. It could be a subconscious desire, I don't even realize. But I answered the question, I said no, I don't. You know, I don't think it's not my intent, I don't think I'm trying to be intimidating.

Speaker 1:

So my mother-in-law, from the back seat, in a in a in a in a, in a really mischievous kind of tone, she says Jeffrey, do you think you're intimidating? And I paused for a moment, right, and my ego wanted to say hell, yeah, you know. But I really gave her some deep thought and I said my intent is not to try to be intimidating, but if you feel that way, it's you feeling that way. And here's my point. Back to the judgment, back to the compassionate possibility I'm trying to share for today. Intimidation, fear, anxiety, any emotion, doubt, uncertainty, anything, happiness, joy, anything that is an emotion for you to be able to comment and this is what I want to say to my mother-in-law for you to be able to comment or pass judgment or critique, you have to first rationalize what it is you believe you are saying critiquing, judging or sharing for what you believe is wisdom, in a way that you feel that emotion. So, in other words, in order for my mother-in-law to make a determination on whether she believes I am intimidating or not, she has to process the emotion of is Jeff intimidating? And the reality is, the conclusion she comes to is simply her conclusion. It's her truth, and there's nothing I can say or do to really manipulate, sway or influence her in any direction. Once she comes to this conclusion, what's my point?

Speaker 1:

I believe that the difficulty we have with ourselves, depending on what season we are in, is highly predicated on the fact that we lack self-compassion, and the lack of self-compassion comes from a lack of self-awareness. And the lack of self-awareness comes from a lack of mindfulness Because, truthfully, left to our own thoughts, we can figure out all the reasons why something is not good enough. We can figure out all the reasons why we can't and we shouldn't, and so the easiest thing for us to then do is project that out and have that reflection repeated back to us in the world, further exacerbating our difficulty in relationships, our difficulty in materializing what we see for ourselves, our difficulty in manifesting, because the world around us truly is a reflection of what we believe on the inside. And if we run away from that truth, and if we run away from that truth, if we run away from that season of ourselves, then we lack the compassion to be truly relatable, truly magnified and truly, I believe, the most complete version of ourselves, because then we take away our power, right? So let's consider where we are and where we might not be, what you're into and what you might be seeking that you lack for.

Speaker 1:

We hear a lot about discipline and the ideas and concept that it could absolutely change your world. And if we all know this, why do we struggle with discipline? I think there's a plethora of reasons as to why, but at its most fundamental core, if you are not disciplined, it is not because you can't be, because, by definition, it really is just repeating process and behavior over and over and over, and you know what the right process and behavior is. You're just avoiding it. For all the reasons that we avoid a disciplined season and a disciplined process it hurts, it doesn't yield instant gratification, it doesn't provide immediate results, and that reality strikes us and keeps us very complacent and comfortable in our world. So where am I going with this Compassion and our ability to really expand as people?

Speaker 1:

Our ability to really manifest the world we see for ourselves has to first start within, because there's nothing in this world that we don't all see that is a temptation to deviate, break and stop us from manifesting who we could be, which is just good, compassionate, loving people. Probably not what you want to hear, probably not what you want to sign up for initially, probably not the most influential of messages. Because, truthfully, again back to the instancy, the immediacy, the gratification we seek that is promoted, pushed and influential in our daily lives 30-day, 60-day, 90-day wins, quick fixes, all these influences that pound us out daily. We ignore the process for fear of what it does in the immediate future while losing sight of the long term. So back to what I want to focus on for gratification, or I should say for compassion, and the difficulty that we have Temptations, the temptation to judge, criticize and be very good at providing advice to others that we don't follow for ourselves. The truth is that we are all subjected to temptations daily and there's the immediacy of temptations that comes with the gratification and stimuli around the neurological process of dopamine, cortisol levels, things that affect our moods, our awareness, our ability to think and feel and ultimately feel good about what we're doing. We're tempted by it daily.

Speaker 1:

So you see, people talk about a lot of the folks I'm following on that no fat thing, no porn thing. They're talking about possibly having the right types of diet, the right types of workout routines. Having the right types of diet, the right types of workout routines, the right type of learning and disciplines around the possibility of manifesting, grinding and becoming who you are. The reason why those things are so prevalent is because your ability to become disciplined around a routine that is positive, a routine that might be a little mundane and difficult, that isn't very sexy on the surface, is your ability to eliminate the temptations of life. Because, again, we're all tempted. There's nothing about the world that isn't presented to us in temptation form that we should ignore. That's what I really want to drive right.

Speaker 1:

Is that somehow we think to achieve this maximum level, to become this OG dope version of who we are? It's like we're going to boast about oh, I don't do these things anymore, I avoid these things. They're not true to who I am, but that's not. I don't believe that that is the the, the ultimate awareness and manifestation of mindfulness and discipline that we need. Because the truth is this when it comes to temptations, the temptation in life to be average, to to be subdued by fear, to to not chase your deepest desires because of, possibly, what it looks like is that the temptation we want to pretend like it doesn't exist? No, no, we have to accept the fact that we are susceptible to temptation. That temptation is there for us to taste, devour and process and accept at every turn, whatever temptation. It is alcoholism overeating, because that's a temptation.

Speaker 1:

Right, laziness, procrastination, seeking out what we see as sex appeal regularly, that's promoted in society on a daily basis. Don't turn a blind eye to it, don't pretend as if it's not there. Have some compassion that it exists for you, the way it exists for everyone. And the truth to manifesting what you see as the possible, most empathetic, compassionate and loving version of yourself is to be able to see those temptations, to be able to acknowledge those temptations. And there I say go through the process of indulging in each and every temptation that is provided to you and then coming to the realization that no, yes, I can do it, but no, I am not going to, because it's a choice not to. It is a choice for me no longer to submit to the lifestyle that someone else says I should. I should succumb to that. I would judge, critique and know off the rip that. I would judge, critique and know off the rip. That doesn't make any sense because a fear of, I think those things too. It's the ultimate hero and villain story.

Speaker 1:

We're so attracted to negative, bad, insecure news because it validates that there is more insecurity out there than even we could possibly think. Like we see it, oh man, that person who did all these egregious things I was actually just reading. The threat of terrorism scares us to death, but terrorist acts don't, on the surface, occur every day. But the idea and concept that there's something really deep, really dark and really dangerous that we can see, feel and know is worse than we would probably do, because ultimately, we usually choose to do what seems right on the surface. It satisfies our insecurity that, well, there's somebody worse than me. So because there's somebody worse than me, my worse is not the worst. So I'm good.

Speaker 1:

And thereby, by submitting to that, I won't chase what is really really, really, really great and really, really, really, really good because it's more comfortable in this space. So I submit to the temptation that I'm not really going to chase what's great, but I'm not really also going to fall into the deepest of my fears. But the truth is this and I hope this is making sense, because I'm listening to my talk as I go on, I'm like man, where are my thoughts and my desires and my inspiration for the day? Empathy and compassion. We are all tempted daily. There are so many things that can lead us down an undisciplined, unfaithful, dark path. Don't ignore it. Don't ignore it. Accept that it is there and then accept that I can choose not to do it. And by choosing not to do it, I'm putting myself first, I'm prioritizing what I truly want to be, and then, when you do all that, the impact you can have becomes greater than you, because if you look around, wherever you are today, you're valuable to someone, people, places and things. Because we all have to work, we all raise families, we're all community members and bringing our best selves to the forefront enhances everything around us by default, and we do that by being compassionate with ourselves.

Speaker 1:

All right, I feel like I went on a massive tangent, but I'm going to read this quote and end with this quote that I got from the book Nonviolent Communication. Now again, this is from contemporary writer Marianne Williamson. She wrote this and it's from the book that I read, nonviolent Communication, which I believe is a must-read for everyone. It goes like this Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others. How powerful.

Speaker 1:

If that can't resonate with you, if that doesn't inspire you to really manifest the change you seek, to become disciplined and compassionate and loyal to yourself, I don't know how else to put it. I'll do my best, I'll continue to grind, I'll continue to go through my seasons, I'll continue to go through my evolution and share what I believe makes sense. If it sticks cool, apply it. If it doesn't, I hope that at minimum, even if it sounds crazy or stupid, that it's crazy or stupid enough to provoke you into whatever it is you feel can inspire you to be a better you, Because you being better for you by default, makes the world a better place. So that's what I got for you today. It is what it is. I am who I say I am. Change your mind, change your life, stay rich.