doyourules w/Cliché Jeff

Wrestling with God: Did I Win or Lose?

• Jeff • Season 2 • Episode 15

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Ever woken up from a dream that felt so real, it left an imprint on your soul? Our latest episode takes you on a journey through the enigmatic realm of dreams and the specter of self-doubt that haunts so many of us. As your host, I share a deeply personal dream narrative where a seemingly innocuous bat morphs into a formidable symbol of the darkness and challenges we face in life. It's a candid reflection on how feelings of unworthiness can shadow even the most divine aspirations and ambitions, striking a chord with anyone who's ever felt undeserving of their heart's deepest desires.

This soul-stirring conversation doesn't shy away from the wrestle we all face in affirming our identity and place in the world. With raw honesty, we examine the battle to remain true to ourselves amid life's cacophony. We ponder the power of solitude, the profound impact of our choices in companionship, and the role of divine guidance in our spiritual skirmishes. Whether you've grappled with faith or stared down the mirror questioning your authenticity, this episode promises a comforting hand on your shoulder, whispering the courage to declare, "I am who I say I am.

Speaker 1:

imagine if you would the most picturesque evening that you can imagine. And it's right before bedtime. You head to your room, make sure your pillow's fluffed up, real nice, your cozy comforter's pulled up. Maybe you raise the window to let in that light breeze that the night offers, or, if you're like me, turn the fan on, let it blow right in your face. And you're getting ready, you're comfortable, you hit the pillow and just before you drift off, god whispers to you what type of dream would you like to dream this evening? And without thought, without even considering any other possibility, all you can think of is the most blissful, powerful, enlightening dream available to you. Maybe you're even flying off somewhere. We've all had those. And the truth is, why wouldn't you? Because we all want to dream in as much light as possible and cool. God grants you your wish. But just as you drift off into subconsciousness, into that enlightening dream, god offers you up one reminder that for every light there is a dark, and so for every blissful dream you have, it will also be one of pure darkness. That will also be one of pure darkness, despair and, dare I say, even tragic feeling, because ultimately that is the duality of life and that is the reason I'm here today to deliver a message I believe was put in me from God and hopefully resonates and makes it out to you, because, ironically, as I dreamed a dream that left me feeling absolutely paralyzed last night, which you might laugh at, but I'll share with you momentarily. What I realized from it is the closer I get to God, the more I fear being unworthy, and maybe, if you're listening, this could translate into the more that you chase your dream, the more that you put in the work, the more that you focus and prioritize all that could be for you. Somehow, as time passes, you could begin to feel unworthy, and so what happened to me last night was could mean a lot of things, but I'm going to get right into what transpired.

Speaker 1:

I'm in my dream. It goes really really dark, and as it goes dark, I transitioned into my home and I can see my home very clearly. I'm in my kitchen. I see the island, I see the kitchenette, long table there, I got six chairs around, got a patio door over here that's letting in the blackness of light because it is evening, and as I'm looking towards the patio door, a black bat boom hits the patio door and the black bat starts out really small. It's like a little, almost like a baby, and as I go to peek around and see what's happening, it manifests itself into something greater and greater and greater.

Speaker 1:

And here's the most significant thing that occurred in that dream that left me almost sweating and paralyzed as I woke up, is that for me to conquer that bat, it actually required someone to come in who I would never have expected. I won't even get into detail about who this person is, but that person had to step in front of me, attack the bat, kill the bat and save me from the bat. And it got me to thinking, it got me to wondering, and the first thought that processed through my mind as I came to consciousness is why did you freeze? Why did you freeze? Why didn't you make your own move? Why did someone have to come and save you?

Speaker 1:

And then immediately I began to question what is it about everything that I'm doing, that I work on my physical vessel, that I commit to all the working out I do, the miles I run, the weights I lift, that I commit to my spiritual vessel, all the prayer, all the meditation, all the readings and I'm talking, I don't just read one book of faith I read many books of faith on my own I talk regularly with God that I realized I've gotten to the point, if you want to reference the Bible, that I'm like Abraham. I feel like I'm wrestling with God and I can't understand how I could commit and commit, and commit and commit. And although it's just a dream that I could be presented with a challenge and I would freeze, because it's natural to think if this is processing in my conscious, what am I going to do when presented with a challenge in my physical reality? What is it about this situation and scenario, the significance of a black bat which could imply darkness albeit there's always light and dark. What is it about?

Speaker 1:

The going from what appeared to be baby to growing into something big, the manifestation of that growth in front of me and me freezing, knowing that I've been putting in the work. How could that lead me to feeling like I'm just not good enough? Which again brings me to my message the closer I get to God, the more I fear being unworthy. And so here's a reality for anyone who's listening, possibly, maybe, and I've been watching a lot of kids I'm in my 40s. God bless all the kids in their 20s talking about what it's like to become a man, what it's like to overcome fears, what it's like to prosper, love and respect to them. But again, you're in your 20s. There's just a lot to go. In any event, I'm inspired by these folks, whether you're in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, your 50s, your 60s, wherever you are in your existence.

Speaker 1:

The reality is this Are you prepared to wrestle with God? Are you prepared to live out a life, whether intentionally or unintentionally, that aligns with you seeking what you believe is the life you should be leading? Because that's ultimately what this comes down to, and that's ultimately what I've been. You know the conclusions I've been coming to lately as I wrestle with the possibilities of what freezing in a dream might mean, of what darkness might mean, because I've gone dark from the world. I've gone dark from the world, and I've gone dark from the world from from to the to the, to the point that I'm very, you know, conscious and careful of who I interact with, who I socialize with, who I share energy and words with, who I discuss God with, who I discuss dreams with, for fear of allowing that level of, of distraction or or non-congruency to to break down what I'm trying to build, and I think that's ultimately why I froze, too, the reality that if you're on a journey today and maybe this is the main message that you have to seek that journey alone, that you have to walk that path alone, that you have to seek out darkness, but that ultimately you're going to have to rely on someone else or something else or with some sort of spiritual or physical being that is bigger than you to help guide you through and get to the other side. And maybe that's wrestling with God, and maybe that's the possibility, god, and maybe that's the possibility that you need to understand yourself what the possibilities are and are not, not because of what someone else is saying, not because of what someone else is influencing, or not because of the distractions that are offered in today's society. So I want to close with this, because I think this is what really hit me and resonated with me and as I went on my run this morning, it filled my mind and my being and it's specific to distractions, and here's why I believe what we do on this channel, in this community, and what we hopefully will manifest for ourselves comes to fruition.

Speaker 1:

Is that the problem with distractions for me is that when you're distracted, you're blocked off from your creativity. When you're blocked off from your creativity, you're blocked off from the power of your creation. You're blocked off from the power of your creation. When you're blocked off from creation, you're blocked off from creator, which means you're blocked off from God. And the reality is this whether it makes itself manifest in dream state or in physical reality, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, remember this. Like me, I didn't come this far. To just come this far, persistence is key. Being intentional is key. Having your own level of faith is paramount. Dare, I say, find the will and the power to wrestle with God. Change your mind, change your life. I am who I say I am. Stay rich.